my day??

How would I describe this day? 

My birthday is always an uneventful day for me.. I don't know why exactly, but whenever I look back at the very exact day every year, I can't feel happy happy rather I feel happy-thankful or happy-trying-to-be-happy.. It has always been the days around my birthday that make my month awesomely happy. My birthday has always been a family day, days around it is a celebration with the 'cousins' or with friends. Thinking about it now, I think I know now what's wrong. I am a full-pledged 'LEO' of the zodiac on my birthday month. I crave attention and control. *manipulative bitch* And when I celebrate it with family, I just go with the flow to avoid any unlikely arguments just because it should be a great day! and yet at the end of it, it doesn't make me feel that way. *sigh* (hmm.. having a blog like this is quite liberating I guess.. lol.) 

Anyway, how this year's day went? Bad start.. First of, I really don't like planning things with family. Really! super undecided at some point and on the other hand there's this other things going on. It always starts with 'what do you want to do?', 'what's the plan?' and then when you voice out what you wanted it's always as if they don't like it, so why bother?? And then it goes with 'ewan ko' (I don't know) answer from them which really does it for me. I don't like it. (er... this post is starting to be a ranting post.. ugh! guess I really need to let it out.. not feeling good on my birthday is bad enough. T.T ) Always like that.. And this year?? what I have on the table is quite a handful... My mother is prioritizing a distant relative's funeral! Inuna talaga! Sinong matutuwa??  I mean, for me, there's nothing wrong if we need to attend the funeral, but she's asking not to attend mass on my birthday and just attend the funeral's mass??! seriously?? that throws out my mood even more! It's ok if I can't celebrate, but don't take away that simple gesture for my birthday. That really started it. *sigh* whatever.. That's just one thing and then there's the list of it! We came to the wake last Sunday and attended the interment today, on my birthday. She really insisted on it and even imposed us to go with them. And then there's this listing of the bills and all.. Who would like to celebrate if you are to spend the day on a relative's interment and with your mother non stop talking about the bills to pay?? how's that!? And to top it all, generally this day feels really bad because it felt forced. So I just tried to get on with the day.. And for now, I'll just wait for my 'me-gift' due next month, 'happiness delayed'. Can't wait to get my hands on an SIII plus the planned splurging-night out with my girls! I know these will even out everything!